The New Captain of 5th Division WAIT WHAT!
by Dance Sode no Shirayuki
Summary: Ichigo's been forced into being the new Captain of 5th Division. Contains a very-overprotective-of-Ichigo's-Lieutenant Hitsugaya and a very violent Kuchiki Byakuya. IchiRuki and HitsuHina mainly. Rated for later chapters.
1. Ichi: I'm a what now!

… Wow, no summary –gasps-

A/N: This chapter has Ichigo's POV in it, but the next chapter will focus more on Hitsugaya and Hinamori.

Disclaimer: Rukia does not own Bleach.

* * *

Kurosaki Ichigo was sleeping peacefully on his bed. That was until a sketch pad collided with his head. Wow, that rhymed.

Ichigo! Wake up!" Kuchiki Rukia yelled.

"What the hell was that for, midget! I was slee-"

"Ichigo was cut off by the sight of two other Shinigami in the room, Matsumoto Rangiku and Hitsugaya Tōshirō.

"Tōshirō? Rangiku-san? What are you guys doing here?" he asked.

"Refer to me as Captain Hitsugaya, not Tōshirō" Hitsugaya stated whilst scowling.

"Yeah, whatever but why are you guys here?" Ichigo replied.

"Head Captain Yamamoto has decided that you are going to be one of the replacement Captains-" Rukia started.

"WHAT? I didn't agree to that!" Ichigo proclaimed.

"You don't have a choice. Either you come and accept your new position in Soul Society willingly or we drag you there" Hitsugaya said.

Needless to say, Ichigo had used his Shinigami badge and was out on the street before anyone knew it.

"I told you we should have tied him up first" Matsumoto sighed.

* * *

2 hours later

* * *

After capturing Ichigo (with the help of Yoruichi, who tripped him in her cat form), Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, Rukia and Ichigo were waiting for the Senkaimon to open.

"Ahh, Yoruichi-san! This is your cat form? It's sooo cute!" Rangiku squealed while clutching the poor cat.

"Yes, now let go! I have to transform anyway!" Yoruichi said while wriggling out of Rangiku's grip.

"OH GOD NO! NOT INFRONT OF US! NOOOOO!" Ichigo wailed.

Yoruichi then transformed into her true form, leaving smoke surrounding her.

And the two males in the room horrified.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Ichigo screamed.

"THIS IS HOW YOU TRANSFORM? IS THIS WHY THEY CALL YOU FLASH GODDESS? WHAT THE FUCK! PUT SOME FUCKING CLOTHES ON, WOMAN! GOD!" Hitsugaya screamed in agony. His Lieutenant burst out laughing.

"It looks like Yoruichi-dono took the virginity of your Captain's eyes, Matsumoto-san" Rukia snickered.

Rangiku only laughed harder.

"Geez, 10th Division Captain. I was expecting that type of reaction from Ichigo, but you? I'm not impressed" Yoruichi said, shaking her head.

"S-SHUT-UP! AT LEAST I'M NOT THE ONE WHO'S NAKED!"

"What's wrong with being naked? Clothes are always to confining, haven't you noticed?"

"Calm down, will ya? You're the same as Ichigo, so old fashioned"

"Shut up, Matsumoto!"

"She's right, Captain! You're such a prude"

"HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME? MY EYES ARE DAMAGED TOO!"

"You just totally killed my buzz, Ichigo"

"SHUT IT!"

* * *

Finally, after about 6 hours of waiting for the Senkaimon, the four Shinigami arrived in the Soul Society.

"This is stupid! I thought that Ryoka weren't supposed to be officially part of Soul Society, so why do I have to become a Captain?" Ichigo complained, for the nth time.

"For the last time, we don't know. So shut up, Kurosaki" Hitsugaya said.

"But-"

"Kurosaki Ichigo" the booming voice of the Head Captain bellowed.

Ichigo looked up to the old man.

"Come with me"

* * *

"You have been chosen to become a Captain of the Gotei 13. Your position will be affective as of tomorrow. Good day" the old man said, then headed to his office.

"Wait! Why am I here, anyway? I thought that Ryoka weren't allowed to join the Soul Society-"

"We need Captains to replace Ichimaru, Aizen and Tōsen. You will replace one, and we will look for other Shinigami who have attained Bankai" the Head Captain answered.

"….Whatever. But which Division am I Captain of?"

"The 5th"

"Ok. Sayonara"

"Kurosaki."

"What now?"

"The Lieutenant of that Division is Hinamori Momo"

"And?"

"If, in any case, she gets hurt in any way, you will most likely have one of the other Captains threatening you with your life"

"Really? Who? And why?"

"You will discover that in due time. Now go"

Ichigo set off to the 5th Division, but realized that he didn't know where it was. He had a very _unfriendly_ meeting with Byakuya, who grudgingly gave him directions, and took off to meet his Lieutenant.

* * *

"Uh, hello? Is there anyone here? I'm the new Captain of this Division, so uh-"

"Hello, Captain!" a friendly voice said from behind Ichigo.

Ichigo turned around to see a short girl with pale skin and dark purple hair tied up in a bun smiling at him.

"Ahh, are you…. Hinamori, was it?"

"Yep! I'm your Lieutenant! Do you want me to show you your office?" the young woman asked.

"That'd be good".

After showing Ichigo his office, Momo showed Ichigo a 3-foot stack of paperwork.

"I've already finished my share of the paperwork, so this is your bit. It's due in two days, so don't strain yourself"

"Ok. Well, see ya, Hinamori"

"Bye, Captain!"

"You don't have to call me that. Just call me Ichigo."

"Ok! Bye!"

In the time he had spent with the girl, Ichigo had found her to be one of the most optimistic people he had ever met. Literally, the girl was the epitome of happiness or something. But, she seemed to be able to do her job, which Ichigo was happy with.

After doing half the stack of paperwork he was assigned to, Ichigo found that paperwork was the bane of his existence.

* * *

CHAPTER ONE

A/N: I think we all can guess which Captain is going to kill Ichigo if Momo gets hurt :)

This story (in my opinion) will get more interesting after a while.

Preview for next chapter.

_Ichigo has a Captain's meeting. But he can't figure out who is worse, Zaraki, Kurotsuchi, or a PMSing Soifon._


	2. Ni: Captain's Meeting

Yeah, nothing.

Disclaimer: Nope –looks downcast-

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I was literally jumping for the last couple of days!

* * *

Ichigo was never a morning person. This was particularly exaggerated on this day.

Waking up to find completed sheets of paperwork, he thanked kami that the godforsaken work was done. Upon closer inspection, he found a note stuck on his arm with Blu-tack.

'_They have blu-tack in Soul Society? Guess they're not as ancient as I thought'_

Turning the note over, he read the neat handwriting:

**Good morning Captain! **

**Sorry, I had to leave early today, but you don't have anything you have to do today, except train the division, which I should be there for later anyway.**

**Regards, Hinamori Momo, 5th Division Lieutenant.**

**P.S. There's a Captain's meeting at 11:00 am today! **

Ichigo looked towards the clock located in his office, and face-vaulted. It was 10:55 am right now.

"DAMN IT!"

* * *

Ichigo had been panting as he flash-stepped into the 1st Division hall, where the rest of the Gotei 13 Captains were situated. The Head Captain glared at him, then stated:

"Make sure you are not late again, Captain Kurosaki"

Ichigo's eyebrow twitched at how weird that sounded, but apologized for his late arrival. The Head Captain then went on to discuss important upcoming events.

45 minutes later, Ichigo was struggling to stay awake. The old Captain was boring him to death, and frankly, the grin Kenpachi was flashing Ichigo was scaring the bejesus out of him.

Soifon had the same you-are-all-weaklings-and-i-could-be-using-this-time-doing-something-important look on her face, Kyōraku wasn't doing much, just looking up at the ceiling randomly and occasionally muttering "Nanao-chan", Kurotsuchi was eyeing Ichigo like he was a new potential test subject (which Ichigo knew that he would have to look out for that freak later in the future), Hitsugaya had his trademark scowl on his face, and Byakuya was as irritatingly calm as he normally was.

"Kurosaki Ichigo"

Ichigo immediately looked up at the mention of his name.

"You are to train with your Lieutenant today" the Head Captain boomed.

"Uh, ok, but-"

"Do not object. Your subordinates need to know your abilities and learn to respect you"

"Fine" Ichigo sighed. He didn't really feel like doing anything today.

"You, Ryoka, which division do you captain now?" Kurotsuchi asked impatiently.

Ichigo scowled at him before answering. "5th. Happy?"

Strawberry could have sworn that he saw Hitsugaya's eyes widen slightly for a second, then relax and turn to scowl at Ichigo, as if saying something.

'_What's up with Tōshirō?'_

* * *

After the Captain's meeting was finally, FINALLY over, Ichigo ran out the door. And promptly got knocked over by the 2nd Division Captain.

"Ahh! Soifon, what the hell was that for!"

"You hurt Yoruichi-sama in anyway, and I will not hesitate to kill you, scum" Soifon seethed.

"Don't look at me like that! She's with Urahara right now anyway"

Soifon clenched her fists "Urahara….Kisuke…!"

"Uh, I'll be leaving now. Bye!"

Ichigo sweat dropped as he walked away.

"Geez, crazy Yoruichi-san obsessed freaks"

"STING ALL ENEMIES TO DEATH, SUZUMEBACHI!"

"I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!"

* * *

After that exciting fight with a pissed-off-beyond-belief-Soifon, Ichigo ran over back to the 5th Division, found Momo and dragged her to the nearest training grounds.

"Old man Yamamoto says I have to fight you so you know my abilities and shit" Ichigo quickly summarized.

"Okay! So do you want to take the first hit?" Hinamori asked.

Ichigo, however, wasn't planning on taking this girl lightly. She may be short, and look a lot younger then him, but he had learnt (coughRukiacough) to never underestimate women. Especially short ones with dark hair.

"Ok" Ichigo said, and in a flash he was behind her, Zangetsu swinging towards Hinamori. The Lieutenant quickly turned around and drew her own zanpakutō, metal clanging.

Hinamori flashed-stepped behind her Captain and delivered a roundhouse kick to his right side. She heard him utter a "damn it!" then felt a small amount of pain in her forearm. Momo flash-stepped away from Ichigo to observe the damage, it was only a small cut.

Noting his reiatsu fluctuating, Hinamori concluded that he hasn't got much control over his reiatsu.

Momo flash-stepped over to Ichigo, and pointed her index finger at his back, yelling:

"Hado no shi: Byakurai (A/N: Hado No # 4: Pale Lightning)!"

Ichigo felt the agonizing pain flood his body, yelled out then sprinted to the other side of the training field.

"So you're good at that Kidō stuff, eh? Crap" Ichigo cursed, then jumped over to Momo, slashing his sword at her, Hinamori's sword clanging against his own.

'_He fights with a sword really well, I can't keep up. Considering it's always in Shikai, I guess I better use mine too'_

"Captain" Momo interrupted.

"Hey, I told you to call me Ichigo"

"Oh, sorry. Anyway, what's your zanpakutō's name?"

"Zangetsu!" and Ichigo slashed at Hinamori again, this time cutting off part of her shihakusho's sleeve.

"If I'm you're subordinate, you should at least know the name of my sword" Momo then gripped her sword in both hands, and raised it above her head.

"Snap, Tobiume!" she cried, and her sword glowed pink and 3 jutte-like prongs emerged from the blade. Momo then aimed her sword towards Ichigo, and three fireballs came flying towards him at blinding speed. Ichigo was able to dodge the first two, but the last one burned his left leg.

"Shit!" he cursed, then decided that the young woman would probably be able to handle one of his strongest attacks.

As Ichigo was thinking that, Hinamori had disappeared, then reappeared behind Ichigo, yelling "Hado no san-jū-ichi: Shakkahō (A/N: Hado No # 31: Red Flame Cannon)!" the fire hit his shoulder.

"I know you're holding back, Kurosaki-dono. But I can fight, you know!" Hinamori yelled at him.

"Fine! Take this! BANKAI!" Ichigo yelled out. He was pretty confident that the girl could handle this attack. It's not as if he's trying to kill her or anything.

Momo nearly fell over from the immense reiatsu her Captain was emanating. It was huge enough when he wasn't using Bankai, but now…..

"TENSA ZANGETSU!" Ichigo subconsciously tuned out his hollow, who was sadistically laughing. What a surprise.

"GETSUGA TENSHŌ!" the black and red wave of spirit particles rushed out from his sword, but Ichigo had realized too late that he had put way too much force behind it and it was most probably going to kill the Lieutenant fighting him.

"SHIT! HINAMORI, MOVE!" Ichigo screamed out to her.

Momo saw the wave of reishi speed towards her. She knew that she was not fast enough to get out of the way in time, so she closed her eyes tightly and braced for the impact. She never felt it.

* * *

Ichigo's sighed in relief when the Captain of the 10th Division flash-stepped in front of Hinamori and blocked his Getsuga Tenshō with Hyōrinmaru.

"Tōshirō! Thank-" Ichigo started, but was cut off by the death-glare from the 10th Division Captain that screamed "You say another word and I. Will. End. Your. Life"

"H-Hitsugaya-kun! Thankyou!" Hinamori stuttered.

Hitsugaya turned to face Hinamori, bluntly replying "Baka, it's Captain Hitsugaya to you. And it was nothing. By the way, Matsumoto's been looking for you for some reason. You should go".

"Ok! Bye, Hitsugaya-kun! Bye Captain!" Hinamori waved happily, completely forgetting that a few seconds ago she had nearly died. She sprinted towards the 10th Division barracks.

Ichigo was pretty confident that his Lieutenant had already forgiven him about accidentally nearly killing her, but he wasn't too sure about Hitsugaya.

"Uh, thanks for saving her. Trust me to nearly kill one of my subordinates on my second day on the job, huh?" Ichigo joked.

"…"

The atmosphere was tense, and Ichigo was sure that the temperature had dropped about 15 degrees. Hitsugaya wasn't facing him, so that didn't help either

"Did you need something?" Ichigo hesitantly asked.

"Kurosaki".

"Yeah?"

"I believe that you just nearly killed Hinamori"

"Yeah, sorry about that, it wasn't on purpose or any-"

"Listen, Kurosaki. I don't care if it's accidental or not, if you make Hinamori shed even a drop of blood, I promise you that I will kill you before you can even say 'Bankai'"

And with that the icy prodigy disappeared.

'What the hell?' was what Ichigo was thinking all day. He was still pondering over Hitsugaya's behaviour in regards to Hinamori. Ichigo had seen Tōshirō pissed off and really mad, but he had never seen the10th Division Captain_ that_ angry.

* * *

Ichigo held that thought for a moment, as he heard footsteps approaching him. Immediately recognizing the huge reiatsu, Ichigo bolted towards wherever his feet would take him.

"NOOOOOO!"

"Come on, Ichigo!"

"NO! I AM NOT FIGHTING YOU AGAIN!"

"NO!"

"Don't be lazy! Fight me, damnit!"

"NEVERRRRRR!"

'WHY? Why is it that every time I come here, people try to kill me?"

* * *

CHAPTER TWO

A/N: -sighs- yes, again the chapter is in Ichi's POV. Sorry. I needed to get this part out, though.

Yes, Ichigo used his Bankai on Momo. He uses his Bankai on everyone, remember? So don't flame me for that.

Preview for next chapter:

"_Rangiku-san?" "What is it, Ichigo?" "Tōshirō said he'd kill me if I hurt my Lieutenant. What's up with that?" "…..dumbass."_


	3. San: Hakuda training with a cat

Again, nada. Why do I keep putting that here? It wastes Internet space.

Disclaimer: I'm not Kubo, sadly. Therefore, I don't own Bleach.

A/N: Thanks to all reviews! You guys make me soooo happy! XDD

* * *

Matsumoto Rangiku was actually doing her paperwork for once. And no, you didn't read incorrectly.

Her Captain had left today for an "important meeting" – which she had claimed being Hitsugaya and Hinamori having eye-sex (which led to her right foot being diagnosed with frostbite) – with the two top-ranked members of the 5th Division, and now she was stuck doing the work.

She could actually see why her Captain hated paperwork now. It never ended, and Rangiku could be using this time drinking instead of doing this shit.

She had almost finished the whole stack when the 10th Division Captain burst through the door, his reiatsu immediately freezing the whole room.

"What's wrong?"

_Duh_, Rangiku. He only ever gets into this mood whenever Hinamori gets hurt.

"Kurosaki"

The whole situation immediately made sense. _'Ichigo must have while they hurt were training. Sigh. Now Captain's gonna be moody all day'_

"He- you actually did the paperwork?" Tōshirō exclaimed, eyes wide.

"Don't look so surprised. You told me too" Matsumoto replied bluntly.

Hitsugaya contemplated on what she said for a moment, then drew his zanpakutō.

"Matsumoto would never do paperwork! Who are you and what have you done to my Lieutenant?" the Captain glared.

Rangiku sweat-dropped.

* * *

A cat-like smile appeared in the shadows as a black cat flash stepped towards the 5th Division.

"Oi, Ichigo!" Yoruichi called out.

"Yoruichi-san! What do you want?" Ichigo replied.

"Where's that Lieutenant of yours?"

"I don't know"

"That helps" Yoruichi said sarcastically.

Yoruichi turned around and ran to the 10th Division.

"Rangiku, you seen Momo anywhere?" she asked Matsumoto.

"I'm here- uh, did that cat just talk?" Hinamori squeaked.

Yoruichi quickly transformed, clothed herself and carried Momo away to the 2nd Division.

"Y-Yoruichi-dono! Why did you bring me here?"

"I watched you fight with Ichigo. I want you to fight with me. Only use hakuda, okay?"

"Got it!"

* * *

One hour later, and both women were extremely tired.

"Ahh ….. you're pretty good ….. have you been training with Soifon?" Yoruichi panted.

"Yep! We started training six months ago. I wanted to become stronger" Hinamori beamed.

"You should be in the Onmitsukidō. You're excellent at both kidō and hakuda"

Hinamori was absolutely ecstatic now. A former Captain complemented her on her hakuda and kidō, and the Flash Goddess at that? All of Momo's christmases have come at once!

"Anyway, I should ask you what I came to do so now" Yoruichi stated, fully facing Hinamori.

"Yes?" Momo asked, very interested.

Yoruichi smirked.

"How would you like to learn a technique of mine called Shunkō?"

* * *

"Rangiku-san!"

_'Geez, what do I have to do to get people to leave me alone around here!'_ Matsumoto seethed.

"WHAT, Ichigo!"

"What's wrong with you?" Ichigo yelled.

Rangiku sighed. "Sorry, I'm just pissed 'cuz Captain nearly killed me today because I actually did paperwork"

"That's- you actually did your paperwork?"

"Why is everyone saying that?" Matsumoto yelled.

"Anyway, uh, Rangiku-san?"

"What is it, Ichigo?"

"Tōshirō said he'd kill me if I hurt my Lieutenant. What's up with that?"

"…"

"Rangiku-san?"

"Dumbass."

"Huh?"

"Hinamori and Captain Hitsugaya have been friends since they were kids in Rukongai. He's very overprotective of her"

"Understatement."

"He gave you the 'If you make Hinamori shed blood, I'll kill you' mini speech?"

"How did you know?"

"He gave that to Gin and Aizen and even me"

"Aizen?"

"Yeah. He was the former Captain of your Division. He ended up stabbing her"

"Really? So that's why Tōshirō was glaring at me in the Captain's meeting"

"He glares at everyone, Ichigo"

"… True"

* * *

Hitsugaya was brooding in his office, listening to Matsumoto talk to Ichigo.

And he wasn't stalking them, thank you very much. He was just eavesdropping. Wait, that isn't good either.

'_I'm not overprotective. I just can't stand to see Hinamori hurt. And I will freeze anyone who looks at her funny. And kill them if they hurt her. That's not overprotective.'_

"Denial won't do you any good, 10th Captain" a black cat purred.

'_Shit. Did I just say that aloud?'_

"Great. The talking furball is back" Hitsugaya said sarcastically.

Yoruichi jumped up on the young Captain's lap and rubbed her furry body against his stomach.

"What the hell are you doing?" the shocked Captain exclaimed.

"You smell like fish. And you should respect me, dearest 10th Captain. I could very easily claw out your eyes"

"Go ahead. Would you even be able to reach me?"

"Normally I'd be saying that, wouldn't I?" Yoruichi teased.

"SHUT UP!"

"Owned. No, I think I know a better method of torture for you….."

Yoruichi jumped off of Tōshirō's lap.

"What could you possibly- NO! NOT THAT AGAIN!" Hitsugaya yelled out.

"Hehe …don't you like the flash?"

"NO!"

"Oh? Would you rather Momo do it?" Yoruichi grinned.

"Ye- NO! DON'T BRING HINAMORI INTO THIS! GYAH! PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!"

"Hahahahahahahaha!"

* * *

"Rangiku-san, do you think something's wrong with Tōshirō?" Ichigo asked, concerned.

"No, by the sounds of it, Yoruichi just transformed in front of him again" Matsumoto replied.

Ichigo shuddered visibly.

* * *

CHAPTER THREE

A/N: Rukia will appear in the next chapter. Can't have IchiRuki without Rukia, can we?

**I WANT AT LEAST 11 REVIEWS FOR ME TO UPDATE.**

Preview for next chapter:

"_Rukia-san?" "Ah, good morning, Lieutenant Hinamori!" "You can just call me Hinamori, Rukia-san!" "Ok, but what is it that you need?" "Rangiku-san has invited us to her party tonight, do you want to come?" "Why not?"_

_1 hour after the party:_

"_I like CANDY! Hehehehehe…" "…Candy reminds me of Shiro-chan! …OMG it's a waffle!" "Get lost! That's my pancake!"_


	4. Shi: The Girls Night

Thanks for all the reviews! I got an extra four and I was soooo happy!

Disclaimer: If I owned Bleach, I wouldn't be on and HitsuHina and IchiRuki would already be canon.

A/N: I'm going to have Gin in this story, because I support GinRan and (spoilers) he actually was against Aizen all along!

* * *

Hinamori Momo walked in that insanely-happy way of hers down to –

Wait, where was she going?

Momo decided to just keep walking, it was a nice day today anyway. She was about to turn around and head to the 10th Division barracks when something, or rather someone crashed into her. Hinamori immediately identified the person – Kuchiki Rukia.

"R-Rukia-san! Are you alright?" Hinamori asked, concerned for everyone but herself as always.

"Ah! Lieutenant Hinamori! Good morning! Uh, I'm fine, sorry for knocking you over" the unseated 13th Division officer said.

"You can just call me Hinamori, Rukia-san!"

"Ok, uh, there was something I needed to tell you…. oh yeah! Rangiku-san invited us to a girl's night at 6:30 pm tonight at the 13th Division, you want to come?"

"Sure! I'll be there!"

"Awesome! And remember to dress casually!"

"Got it!"

* * *

Hinamori flash-stepped her way back to the 5th Division to check her wardrobe, only to find her – you guessed it – shitagi, kosode and hakama. Seriously, what was with all the black? And most of the time it's hot in the Soul Society, and yet they make shinigami wear black clothes?

Cursing the shinigami dress code, Hinamori decided that she needed to go shopping. She quietly took some of the Division's money (she had never taken any before, and besides, Ichigo wouldn't care) and left for her shopping trip.

'_Darn it. Where would casual clothes be? Ugh'_

…

'_Maybe Shiro-chan would know?'_

* * *

"Hitsugaya-kun!"

Hitsugaya was interrupted from his paperwork by the voice of his best friend, who walked into his office.

"Oi, oi, it's Captain Hitsugaya to you!" he reminded, even though he knew that she would probably never call him that.

"Sorry for interrupting, but do you know where I can buy casual clothes? Rangiku-san's holding a girl's night party tonight –"

"What? I didn't give her permission for that!"

"- and I need to get some normal clothes"

"I think that Ōmaeda or someone got something called a "supermarket" made which sells all types of crap. Apparently they sell food and clothes so try there"

"Ok! Can you show me where it is?"

"What? No, I got paperwork-"

But Hinamori had already dragged him out of his office.

* * *

Upon arrival at the so-called "supermarket", Hitsugaya had found that there was a whole lot more crap then he had predicted. He had come across many weird looking items, but this one in particular was what had made him the most curious.

The object in question looked like a pair of scissors, but had both ends connecting to make two blades, looking like it was twisted.

'_Must be one of Kurotsuchi's torture devices. But why would it be on sale then?'_

"Oi, Hinamori, what the hell is this?" he held up the demented scissors to his friend's face.

"Uh, um….. I don't know. Maybe something Captain Kurotsuchi made?" Hinamori responded, clueless.

"That's what I thought"

"Maybe Rangiku-san would know what it is. I'll buy it so we –"

"No."

'_God knows what that….. __**thing**__ is capable of'_ Tōshirō thought.

* * *

After that entertaining trip, Hinamori went back to her Division and Hitsugaya finished his paperwork.

"Captain! I want to make a bet with you!" his Lieutenant called out.

"No" was his reply.

"Oh come on! It's a good one! If I lose, I'll do paperwork and won't get_ too_ drunk at the party tonight"

"And what if I lose?"

"You have to crash the party with Ichigo!"

"Definitely no."

"Oh come on!"

"No!"

Rangiku sighed. "You've forced me to do this, Captain" Matsumoto pulled out her soul pager and dialed Yoruichi.

"Hey, Yoruichi! I need you to come over here for a while –"

"I'LL DO IT I'LL DO IT I'LL DO IT!"

"Thank you, Captain!"

* * *

It was a simple game of poker. And Hitsugaya failed. Epically.

"Geez, Captain. Never gamble ever again" Matsumoto snickered.

"SHUT UP!"

"Now Ichigo's gonna be outside the 13th Division at 8:30 pm, so you go through the window while he goes through the door, okay?"

"Who said I was going to follow through?" Tōshirō snarled.

Matsumoto pulled out her soul pager –

"OKAY OKAY I GOT IT! OUTSIDE THE WINDOW!"

* * *

The party was a simple one. Kurotsuchi Nemu had gotten permission from her "father" to attend, and Yoruichi had gotten Soifon to come as well.

Sorry, that's incorrect.

Yoruichi had consumed about seven mudslides, and was doing her interpretation of pole dancing and Matsumoto was semi-conscious.

"Your lovea, your lovea, your lovea is myyyyy drugaa!" Rangiku slurred. She had taken in eight bottles of sake.

Nemu was watching Soifon try to walk (the latter had a bottle of vodka in her hand, sipping it occasionally, while Nemu herself, despite drinking a fair bit too, was immune to intoxication), Rukia was having a staring contest with one of Kiyone's teddy bears (what a surprise that was), holding two cocktails.

"Whatta you looking at –hic-, blankie? STARLIGHT!" Rukia made a dive, and ended up landing on Momo, the latter of which had consumed both sake and mudslides (because of being pressurized by Rangiku to loosen up). One of Rukia's cocktails ended up on Hinamori's kimono, both girls giggled loudly.

"I like CANDY!... In more ways then one" Rukia slurred, winking.

Hinamori giggled. "…Candy reminds me of Shiro-chan! … OMG it's a waffle!"

"Get lost!That's my pancake-man-lover-whore pile of sacrilege!"

"OMG it's a megabyte! Let's give it to Mr. Who!"

"LALALALA! AAAHHHHH! PEN!"

* * *

"Why are we doing this, exactly?" Hitsugaya Tōshirō questioned.

"No idea. Rangiku-san threatened me with ….. something" Ichigo replied.

"Shihōin?"

"You too?"

"Yeah."

"…."

"….."

"…. I guess we should just get this over with?"

"Yeah"

The two Captains went in to Rukia's room, and were shocked.

Music was blaring in the background, with what sounded like a Labelle song except sung by Christina Aguilera, P!nk and two other chicks, Nemu and Soifon belting out the lyrics (albeit they weren't they correct ones), Hinamori and Rukia licking the ceiling (how the hell did they get up there?) , Matsumoto passed out and Yoruichi still pole dancing.

"What….the…..fuck?" the two males said in unison.

They then snapped out of their reveries, and Hitsugaya climbed up the wall, chucked Rukia to Ichigo and picked up Hinamori bridal-style.

"AAHHH! Herrooooo, Shiro-chaaaaan! Oh lookie it's an english! –hic-. And then I said to that choc bar flick-"

Hitsugaya raised an eyebrow at the dark-haired Lieutenant.

"Oiiii, Ichi! I got pissed tonight! But I swear to mouse that I'm not cornflakes!" Rukia slurred, waving her arms in the air.

"How the hell did they get like this?" Ichigo yelled.

"The fuck if I know. Let's just get them home. The others will be fine" Tōshirō replied, but was generally surprised when a two bottle of sake was shoved down each of the boys' throats.

Apparently, Matsumoto wasn't unconscious.

Now, Hitsugaya and Ichigo may be powerful Shinigami, but they have never consumed alcohol before, and both of them were intoxicated within three minutes, both drinking the same amount as their female friends.

* * *

Kyōraku Shunsui walked past the 13th Division, hearing loud music from one of the rooms. He walked into Kuchiki Rukia's room, and found the intoxicated Shinigami.

"And they didn't even invite me" Kyōraku sighed.

"Better get someone to clean this up…."

* * *

Ichigo woke up the next morning, head absolutely pounding, and found himself not in his Division.

He heard the sound of a toilet flushing, and walked to the nearest bathroom and found Rukia, who looked a bit worse-for-wear.

"Hey. You get pissed last night too?" Rukia said, too hungover to care that Ichigo crashed their party.

"Yeah-"

Ichigo was interrupted by Rukia, who kneeled over the toilet, retching. Her hair got in the way.

Ichigo sat next to her, ignoring the agonizing head rush, and pulled her hair back.

"Thanks" Rukia smiled.

Ichigo smirked back.

It wasn't for long though. Ichigo didn't come out of the 13th Division for half the day. Ah, the joys of throwing up…..

* * *

Hitsugaya was in a completely different situation. He wasn't on a bed, he was in a bathtub filled with water.

His head hurt like a bitch. _'Goddamn. How the hell….'_

He didn't need to throw up though. He had consumed the least alcohol, but it was still enough to earn him a hangover.

Tōshirō felt the water stir, and looked beside to find –

Hinamori.

Her back was facing him, but she was naked. And as this thought processed in Hitsugaya's mind, he realized that he was as well.

His face turned completely red before screaming bloody murder.

* * *

CHAPTER FOUR

A/N: Hehehehe. Yes, Hitsu has been tortured lately. By naked women! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I love Hitsugaya, but I also love to see him embarrassed. I'm such a sadist.

**I WANT AT LEAST 21 REVIEWS FOR ME TO UPDATE.**

**See if you can guess what the "torture device" was!**

Preview for next chapter:

"_Oww, don't yell so- H-H-Hitsugaya-kun! H-How did you get here?" "THAT'S NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION RIGHT NOW!" "Then what is? And stop yelling!" "I CAN'T! WE'RE BOTH NAKED! HOW THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME NOT TO FREAK OUT?"_


	5. Go: After Effects of the Party

I am SOOO sorry that I didn't update in ages! How long's it been, two months? My apologies, our Wi-Fi connection decided to stuff up, so I couldn't post anything.

Disclaimer: I am getting sick of coming up with these, I don't own Bleach.

* * *

Hitsugaya yelled out in horror. Hinamori groaned, covering her ears.

"Oww, don't yell so loud – H-H-Hitsugaya-kun! How did you get here?" Momo squeaked out.

"THAT'S NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION RIGHT NOW!" Hitsugaya replied.

"Then what is? And stop yelling!"

"I CAN'T! WE'RE BOTH NAKED! HOW THE HELL DO YOU NOT EXPECT ME TO FREAK OUT?"

"…And? Look, we've seen each other naked before, remember? We grew up in Rukongai together"

'_Yes, but that was before chibi here developed a crush on you, Hinamori' Hyōrinmaru smirked._

'_SHUT UP, HYŌRINMARU! And it's different this time. She's…'_

'_Not flat?'_

'_What? Pervert!'_

'_You know you were thinking it. And besides, I was created from a part of your soul. Therefore, little one, you are also a pervert'_

'_Have you been drinking with Haineko and Katen Kyōkotsu again?'_

'…_Maybe'_

"Look, baka, we're grown up now. We can't –" Tōshirō started, blushing.

"My eyes are up here, Shiro-chan" Hinamori giggled, unaware of her best friend's not-so-innocent thoughts.

Hitsugaya choked on air from Momo's last comment, face now completely red.

"Bath time!" Momo grabbed a bottle of body wash, scrubbing herself with it, then passing the bottle to Hitsugaya.

Tōshirō then decided that now was as good a time to get out of the bath as any, so he grabbed a towel, but Hinamori had other ideas.

"No, you smell like alcohol, get yourself clean!" Momo commanded.

"Bu-"

"Shiro-chan" Momo said in a very demanding tone.

"…..Fine" he caved.

'_Goddamnit…'_

_

* * *

_Hitsugaya flash stepped to the 5th Division, figuring that Ichigo should know about his Lieutenant's whereabouts.

"Hey, Tōshirō! You wake up feeling like shit too?" Ichigo called out.

"That's Captain Hitsugaya to you, and yes, freaking horrible hangover. Matsumoto's as good as dead" Hitsugaya replied.

"Thought so. Have you seen Hinamori? She didn't come in today – _what did you two_ _do_?" Ichigo smirked, seeing the red tinting Hitsugaya's cheeks.

"None of your business, Kurosaki!" Tōshirō glared.

"Oi, Ichigo, you seen Hinamori anywhere? I think she took my one of my Chappy plushies" Rukia walked in.

"That's what I was asking Tōshirō-"

"Captain Hitsugaya, Kurosaki!"

"- so where is she?" Ichigo asked.

"She's in my Division. She feel asleep after our bath-"

'…_You do realize how wrong that sounded, right?'_

'_Obviously. Why else would I be all of a sudden silent, baka!'_

'_Behave, young one. You protect your girlfriend with me, remember'_

'_She's not my girlfriend!'_

'_Well Zangetsu and Sode no Shirayuki's wielders think you are, so you better correct them'_

"I-It's not what it sounds like! We didn't…..-"

"You slept with her? You're like what, 13?" Ichigo said in disbelief.

"Idiot! I'm 108, and I did not sleep with her! I just woke up with her next to me in a bathtub!" Hitsugaya yelled back.

"The bathtub? Kinky, Captain Hitsugaya" Rukia grinned.

"Fuck off, Kuchiki! We didn't do anything!"

"How do you know that? Both of you were naked in the bathtub, I'm assuming" Rukia said.

"I don't remember anything like that. All I remember is drinking, faintly walking to my office with her, and then collapsing in the bathtub. Nothing else." Tōshirō

"…..Okay, then. As soon as you see her, call her back here. This paperwork needs doing"

"Now you're making Momo do paperwork? Don't be such a lazy-ass dicknut, Ichigo" Rukia scolded Ichigo.

"Shut up, midget" Ichigo replied.

"You wanna say that again, strawberry?" Rukia growled as a vein throbbed in her forehead.

Hitsugaya sighed and left the 5th Division. He heard the sound of a head colliding with the wall.

* * *

"Good, he's gone. Take it off"

"So demanding, Ichigo"

"Psh. Says the woman who made me buy her limited addition Chappy pajamas"

"You ripped my other ones!"

"They were in the way, Rukia!"

"So?"

Kiss.

Lick.

Moan.

Grab.

Slap.

"Not in your office, Ichigo"

"Naww-"

"Hinamori could come in"

"I'll tell her to leave if she does"

"Really? I thought that maybe we could invite her, hehe"

"I prefer black-haired girls with purple eyes. And Tōshirō would kill me anyway"

"He should get laid. He'd be soo much happier. And Rangiku-san would give me the money from our bet"

"You two made a bet?"

"Yep. I reckon that after the first date they'll get it on, she reckons after they officially become boyfriend and girlfriend."

"You've spent too much time around Rangiku-san. You're turning into a pervert"

"Says the man who turned from a prude to sex fiend in five months flat"

"Hey! I still am scared of Yoruichi-san and Rangiku-san flashing me!"

"You act as if that is something to be proud of. And I get it – you can't stand seeing a girl with boobs nearly as big as their head naked"

"And you call yourself a noble. Listen to you talk"

Punch.

"You tell Nii-sama, and I will freeze your balls off"

"Now why would I talk to Byakuya for any reason other than to arrange my death warrant?"

"True"

* * *

Momo had left the 10th Division an hour ago, leaving Hitsugaya to finish his (and Rangiku's) paperwork. Tōshirō leaned his head against the desk.

Matsumoto skipped into his office, chirping out a "Morning, Captain!" and running over to her office.

'_What's up wih her? Normally she's too lazy to be up this time in the morning'_

Hitsugaya shrugged it off, and returned to his paperwork.

That was, until his Lieutenant called out:

"So Captain, did you and Hinamori have fun last night? Hope you two enjoyed your sexy celebratory bath! Kira, Hisagi and I did it just for you two after we came in on you guys doing…stuff" Rangiku giggled.

Tōshirō face-vaulted.

'_Screw the paperwork.'_

And proceeded to bang his head against his desk repeatedly.

'_Fuck my life. Fuck my life. Fuck my life. Fuck my life'_

_

* * *

_

CHAPTER FIVE

A/N: IchiRuki is an obvious pairing in this fanfic now, ne? ;D

I was smiling at the HitsuHina bath scene the whole time I was writing it XD

And yes, the characters are OOC. In my opinion, HitsuHina is mainly composed of Angst (unfortunately). I'm not good on Angst.

As for IchiRuki, well, it's my fanfic.

**I WANT AT LEAST 36 REVIEWS FOR ME TO UPDATE.**

Preview for next chapter:

"_The Hogyōku has a will of it's own, and if Aizen weakens, it will reject his power, and weaken him further"_

_The Gotei 13 discuss battle strategies with Urahara Kisuke and Shihōin Yoruichi._


End file.
